Take Control Of Your Spend
When style is involved, one of the biggest concerns I find with many women is centered around the topic of spending: spending habits, financial budgets and seeking guidance on how much they should spend on themselves.
It’s the “how much” that begins to embark doubt from women who may not consider themselves worthy enough or feel that they should be prioritising their family before themselves.
One of the most disappointing reasons why women find it difficult to spend money on themselves is the pressure from their partners.
Unfortunately, at least once a week I seem to have a client whose partner is critical of their spending habits, monitors every cent spent on clothes and will even exercise a guilt trip on them. It’s astounding how many women secretly save money and hide their purchases regularly.
There is nothing healthy about any of the above concerns because in many cases, it mostly leads to women not feeling good about themselves.
It’s always important to remember, woman or man, you are a role model to your children and involuntary also to your partner and your peers – the way you feel about yourself can reflect on others.
On the other hand there are just as many women that have total control over what they buy and how much they spend and this is a good thing. However, for those that may not, or at least feel they can relate a little to some of the issues above, I want to tell you that you are worth it and offer a few points on how to address any spending concerns.
In my new book, You Are More Than Just Your Bits! You will find an entire chapter dedicated to spending so I’ve extracted my formula for budgeting success which I have used for years: 
1. Monthly Budget: Just for you
Create a monthly budget based on the list of items you need. It is good to categorise them from season to season and remember that winter will generally be more expensive as you’ll need to consider boots, coats, more layers of clothing, stockings and tights etc.
2. Communicate: Be transparent
Sit down with your partner or whomever you share your finances with and explain all the positives around your proposed investment. Perhaps how it will improve your confidence and lift your spirits, which will flow down to the family, including your partner. This transparency will ensure you don’t overspend and help prevent friction between the two of you.
This works! I cannot impress upon you that once you do this and have an agreement, the pressure will alleviate. The guilt will disappear and your shopping trips will become an enjoyable and beneficial experience.
Now if you are struggling financially, this all comes down to budget and again, you need to take an honest snapshot on what is affordable. This doesn’t mean you can’t invest in yourself and here is my style mantra when it comes to clothing brands:
“You look just as elegant and stylish when you confidently wear a well fitted inexpensive no-name brand as you do in any designer brand.”
Like many Women, I too have had times in my life where I have not had the resources to buy the clothes that I wanted however, purchasing a staple selection of mix and match clothing has always seen me through.
Now it’s over to you.
Do you have complete control over what you spend or do you have an agreed styling budget? Or do you hide your spend?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic and it just may help others too.
Cindy x
Cindy,
I spent years of my life feeling guilty about buying clothes that I felt great in. Like many women, I had a hidden “cash stash” saved in secret, so I could buy something special and then lied about the price. Not something to be proud of and it detracted from the joy and excitement of “that new outfit”. I lived in fear of criticism and being labelled selfish.
I now feel that I am “worth it” and have taken control. Feeling good about myself gives me confidence and it radiates out to others. Feeling at ease, comfortable in my own skin and well presented, does wonderful things for self esteem. I now have the attitude…”come on girls, strut your stuff”!
Nikki……..well said again!!! Love it and love your attitude!!! Cindy
Clothes from the right shops can be an investment. If you make the right purchases, you can sell your clothes when you’re finished with them, often making back 70-80% of the original value – sometimes more!
Having a high-profile, client-facing job, fashion and clothing is important to me. I have to look professional and neat, and I prefer not to be seen in the same outfit too many times. Whilst I don’t go nuts for really pricey brands (Prada etc), I do spend a bit on pieces from Zara, Cue, Witchery etc. My partner used to think this was a huge waste of money and an unnecessary expense. But when I started selling my old clothes, sometimes are a higher price than what I paid, he realised that clothes shopping isn’t necessarily wasted money.
When buying new clothes, I always look for items that will have a high resale value (nice fabric, modern cut, good colours). I also look for limited release and hard-to-find items as people are usually willing to pay top price for these, even months or years down the track. Most of all, I only buy pieces that I really love, because if I love them, someone else is bound to love them too 🙂
Jane……another brilliant response…..well thought out strategy too!! Cindy
I have an expense account just for such things and budget each week ,as it is very important to my husband of 23 years to always look top notch .I have always been very fashion and beauty savy but for financial reasons 12 months ago I put my family our business and the home first ,resulting into me turning to a fat blob depressed and family unhappy with what there Wife and Mum had become .Fortunately my appearance is very important to my husband so he encouraged me to go and see Cindy .That I did !!! Also lost 9 kg s of weight ,now dress for my age (48) and body shape and tend to buy quality items like David Laurence ,Country Rd ,Saba ,Thurley ect .Every day I go to work my Husband says to me you are beautiful God I’m lucky !!!(old comments you look like ya mother ) So My opinion is I thought I was doing the right thing watching the money and putting everybody else first ,in fact there was discomfort in our marriage because of the way I looked .
Robyn……this is such a great response and I REALLY hope others read it, well said!!!! Cindy
Hello! Cindy,
Thank you! ladies for sharing.
Over the years, I can relate to all these real-life situations. However, thanks to you Cindy, ever since attending your Personal Stylist course here on the Gold Coast in July 2013, you have made me see the big! picture.
So far, I have conducted my own wardrobe audit, with a critical eye as to what suits my body shape thus resulting in necessary purchases of a few fashion staples of more expensive tailored pieces from Victoria Maine and Review plus some well-made far-less expensive pieces from Gok’s range at Target and a few newly- discovered inexpensive boutiques. I have even audited my many useless-to-me, brand-new shoes replacing them with more appropriate styles/heels for me now and I realised I needed to wear belts so, I invested in a few of those too. I have since donated to charities and also when opportunity arises, I have been personally approaching people with bargain offers on my brand-new items to go. eg: my beautiful! MBW Coach loved! my sky-high never-worn stilhettos I showed her but like me, she too was worried about having an ankle injury so at the moment the shoe boxes are with her younger sister and then hopefully referrals onto her friends etc. I don’t have time for Ebay as I am focusing all my energy at the moment on researching and thinking on developing my own small personal styling business.
So ladies, the way I look at my purchase explosion, is that it is a big! investment in me! towards the success! of my future personal stylist business and I am again aiding charities which I love! to do. So, ever since August, when my boyfriend criticizes me saying “have you been on another spending spree?” , do I feel guilty? heck no! I weight it up against all his years of throwing his money away on booze and gambling, that’s his choice and this is mine! I know he will be silenced when he sees me reaping back a percentage of what I had spent on pre-Cindy fashion items. And as Cindy said to me, “Deanne it’s about time you had some fun!”. I am giving myself permission to do just that, all towards the big! picture. Next month even, I am addressing something that has been long overlooked and drawn to my attention, I am having makeup tuition for me personally. I hope it is fun!, as the thought of it scares me a bit, yet again it is for the success of my future business.
I cant thank you enough Cindy, for ever since meeting you, I have felt a freedom in making my choices to have fun! and present myself appropriately to how I want to look no matter what anyone! says, be it mum or the boyfriend. And I tell you what, I must be on the right path because out of the blue my mum is now showing an interest in the details of development of my future personal stylist business. So my boyfriend can either get on board too and enjoy! my new confidence and self-esteem and age-appropriate sexiness, or miss out.
I hope at the least one of you out there, felt I contributed to this in some positive way.
Thanks! again for sharing 🙂
Kind regards,
Deanne
Deanne……thanks so much for your open and honest comment…..I am so honored that you think that I have made a small difference in your life, good on you for where you are headed, I’m so proud!!!! would love to see you again one day! xo
Hi Deanne, just reading your post and what you wrote made me grab hold of an emotion that I couldn’t pin point about myself “the guilt trip”. Thanks so much for explaining your situation because it has helped me understand that when someone gets critical about me I take it on as truth, feel guilty and change to please the other person. Well this is going to now stop !!! You also said “that’s your choice, this is mine” that’s what I needed to hear because I am going to turn this into “that’s your opinion, this is mine”. I am going to start today !! I also feel guilty spending money on clothes for myself so I shop at op shops to save money and I also love a bargain – you’d be surprised what you find there. Thanks Cindy for your post – it’s been wonderful hearing all the comments and it has helped me heaps. Just discovered your blog via FB and receiving regular updates – wonderful thanks again xxoo
Hi Amira…….soooooo pleased that this blog and Deanne’s comment has touched a cord with you. I try very hard in everything I do to get people to look at themselves with self worth and value themselves more! Deanne is on an incredible journey of self growth and coming to me was a part of it. I hope you continue to follow us on our blogs and Facebook. Cindy x
I control my own purchases, even when I was a stay at home mum, but I am not extravagant. I never quibbled when my husband came home with another new suit either; I think there has to be mutual respect.
I find I am much more clothes savvy now that I understand my style (thanks for your help Cindy) and knowing what colours work best on me. I buy a few more expensive well fitted classic basics and fill out the wardrobe with cheaper fashion items.
I have seen people look absolutely awful in designer clothes and others looking stunning dressed in budget wear. Knowing what works for you enables you to look your best and to find it in any store.
I have never tried selling items tho – now there’s a thought….
Thanks for the thread Cindy, and the idea Jane!
Thanks Lesley, I think the key is knowing what to buy and it fitting you well. I buy from anywhere and this came mainly from a time when I had no choice but to watch what I spent, so I got clever with my choices.
Thanks Again Lesley for a great response!! x
I too control my own purchases…but we are at the moment on a very tight budget..I know in my own mind what money I can afford to spend and I ask myself.. do you really need it? Given that I wear a uniform for work, I don’t require a wardrobe full of corporate wear. I really only need smart casual. I have purchased some lovely blazers over the last year and they always look great teamed with good jeans and good shoes! I have never worried about my husband’s opinion (is that bad?) because I dress for me… although I am sure he approves (and no he never gives out compliments or very rarely). We live in a rural area so there is no real high fashion around. I agree and have thought this for years, that you don’t need to spend a lot of money to look good. We are fortunate to a preloved designer style shop here. I have picked up some great bargains there.. Also close by in Canberra I found the most beautiful ‘as new’ Perri Cutten double breasted blazer in nautical navy white and red for $70…I think this blazer will always be fashionable. I guess what I am saying at the end of the day, I buy what I love when I can afford it, keeping in mind what I have at home to team it with. (also I never have to justify my worthiness to anyone….too independant for that! lol)
GREAT RESPONSE Anita……..you have a great attitude to your spending and I think its great you are looking outside the square at options like the pre-loved store. Well done!!! Cindy x PS: Compliments are nice……but if you feel great that’s what really counts.
Yes Cindy compliments are nice, and I do sometimes receive them from other people not necessarily my husband..and I value them more because they are usually from women and we know how critical women can be! I also believe that you should compliment other women… When a woman is dressed stylishly she stands out from the crowd…people look at her…I complimented a woman the other week in the supermarket.. she probably thought I was strange…but I couldn’t help it…she stood out!
Nice one Anita…..I compliment all the time if I think someone looks nice, young or older, I think its a lovely gesture at any age! 🙂
Hello! Amira and Cindy,
Amira I feel for you, in that you can relate to my story. And I soooo thank you for acknowledging that through your hearing of my ongoing developmental journey you have found your! voice with others. Bravo! We can! do this 🙂
Cindy,
Firstly, thank you, thank you, thank you! for your blog and through it giving us ladies a platform to voice ourselves to help others 🙂 And awww thank you for your lovely! reply to me and again your compliments of me in your reply to Amira 🙂
And yes! Cindy, I would love! to see you somehow, somewhere for a catch-up next year to give you a big HUG and to say “thank you, you beautiful! person”, in person 🙂
Best wishes all 🙂
Deanne
Deanne you are sooooo welcome!!!!! xox
For me spending money on myself is a vexed issue. My husband does not mind me spending money on clothes although he does think women’s clothes are often overpriced. For me the issue is not so much about the money. I have always considered that being fashion conscious is equal to vanity and being superficial. Clothes are clothes and not really that important. An interesting attitude given that my mother always prided herself in dressing elegantly (and still does!), she is also an accomplished seamstress and saved a lot of money when I was young making her own and my clothes. She also taught me to sew, as skill I wish I had more time for. She always disapproved of me dressing in practical clothes and not particularly feminine at that. I have learned from Cindy that you can still dress elegantly and look feminine by choosing the right clothes. It will still cost a packed when you have to set up a whole new wardrobe but by mixing and matching it can be minimized. My style has evolved since first shopping with Cindy 4 years ago. I still have some of the pieces we bought then and they have turned out to be very versatile. I add things to my wardrobe every season if I need to. Often it may just be a belt or a cardigan or shirts that need replacing. I am able to dress elegantly and with my body shape in mind for every occasion. In the last 2 years I have had to replace a few things as I have shrunk out of some pieces and my shapes has changed, I am lean and fit. I also unashamedly have my “daggy/practical” wardrobe of things that I live in at home or when we go bush – Cindy, you would disapprove of some items, but I feel comfy in them and would give them up! So, now I do spend money on myself but in a measured way and I also feed my social conscience by visiting op-shops and making my own clothes when I get the time.
Thanks Karin for your great well thought out reply. You are so right, in my experience, in all the 1,0000’s of wardrobes and shops I’ve done, if you have some great foundation, versatile pieces then your wardrobe can be built on, Initially you may spend a bit to set up this foundation, but, you will soon be shopping consciously, that’s when you start to spend cleverly and build a great wardrobe that all mixes and matches. xxo